In my May 15 post, I mentioned my wish. In lieu of any gifts, I asked instead for financial contributions to the radio station.

As of today (May 29) I received two checks, for a grand total of $450.

This is almost enough to pay for the LPFM engineering services.

The thought of beginning anything from scratch at-almost-age-55 seems a bit daunting. Daunting enough that last week, as you can tell from my posts, I almost decided to give up on my dream.

But I haven't.

Last week I seemed to jump between "it's not worth the hassle of getting a licensed LPFM radio station" and "just start a Part 15 station and forget about even trying to make anything out of it. Just put it on for yourself and forget the rest."

The next question that came to mind was, "If you are NOT going to do your REAL radio station, then, what ARE you going to do?"

I couldn't answer my own question.

The Cottage Food bakery is not doable right now. The kitchen is not up to snuff due to all the damage. I can't feel good about serving food made in our kitchen right now, at least not to the public.

Shortly after my post of May 8 on this very blog, the station received some programming help. Since last Thursday, I have been retrieving and producing a humongous batch of classic country music. Between the mp3 CD discs, regular CDs, CDs I produced in-house, legal downloads from the record labels and distributors and what was already on hand here in the control room, there must be somewhere in the neigborhood of 8,000 songs available for airplay now. That's NOT counting the vinyl albums and 45s stored in the office trailer!

Is God trying to tell me to stay with this LPFM thing?

I don't know, but I was encouraged enough to tackle production for several very full days.

On my Facebook personal page today I wrote: "My birthday is coming up later this month. I am only going to make one wish. In lieu of gifts, please consider making a financial contribution to Delta Star Radio, 2625 Doll Place, Tallahassee, FL 32311. Thank you."

I really do just have one wish. If you've read this far, I bet you know what that wish is.

..what the best direction is for me to take.

It's funny..back in the 1980s, when I was working at then-Christian formatted WCVC, I felt so much like I was right in the center of God's will, doing what I was created to do.

Nothing has ever felt that "right" since. At least, not in the career world.

Right now, my wife, Marianne, is contemplating retiring. Maybe sooner than later. We are also hoping that Dad, still working in his 70s, will finally retire while he is still able to enjoy life.

My mother in law is battling melanoma. She has had several surgeries, but this year problems have returned. We believe her time may be running out. So we are doing everything possible to get Marianne up there in July, when she has enough of a work break to get to Ohio. I'm staying behind with the animals since Gramma and Grandpa don't have the spare rooms that they had in Tennessee.

Before we get started on the mother-in-law jokes, I should tell you, I have a good one. I love her and am very saddened by the decline in health of both my in-laws. It also brings me face to face with the reality that my sublings and I may well be facing similar decisions in the next few years. Right now my Mom and Dad are well, thank God.

I just am no longer sure I want to deal with the stress of owning an FCC-licensed LPFM station. If I had  supporters that I knew were rallying around the idea, I would feel better about it.

But I am feeling like an island, trying to do this by myself.

Last night Marianne said, "Maybe I should do some baking. I might like that better than tutoring." I know she is burned out from working with kids day in and day out for slave wages.

That has me seriously thinking I may have a change of heart from the post of a couple of weeks ago about only pursuing radio for now. A cottage food business that I could work on together along with Marianne might just be a better choice.

I am at a crossroads. 

  If you ask me how things are, I'll tell you "fine." But the truth is, I am feeling a bit discouraged right now and I don't know if that feeling is likely to improve.

  For the better part of the past 18 months, I have, almost on a daily basis, filled out form after form after form for grants, financial help, giveaways, sweepstakes - you name it. All in hopes of getting some sort of funding in place for the LPFM radio station.

  But so far, mostly nada. My mother in law did send us a check intended for the engineering expense, and no sooner did we receive it, than the heat pump blew an $800 part. Back to square one.

  I just don't know if there really is "community support" to move forward or not. I received two letters after the local paper ran a story about Delta Star Radio. Nice letters, no contributions.

  In order to get the engineering done, I must raise $500, probably by the end of May. My prayer today is that someway, somehow, one of those applications gets a "yes."

    My whole family seems to be having a tough time right now. I am determined not to borrow this from them. I hope some of our listeners and friends will consider pitching in. I'm about at the end of my rope with it. I will not add any debt to follow this dream any longer. Been there, done that, and still paying for it.

  I am at a crossroads today and am simply praying for an answer one way or the other. If I do not pursue the LPFM, I am done with terrestrial radio, most likely for good. So I really want this to work. But not if it means more debt and no support from businesses or the community.

  Today I am on the verge of just calling it quits for good. Unless I receive some indication that someone - anyone - cares one way or the other.